Expectation is the mother of all frustration

Everyone experiences anger and frustration at some point, and that is perfectly normal. If we delve deep into our hearts, we will discover that we are not frustrated by circumstances, occurrences, or experiences. We become frustrated due to our perspective, attitude, or beliefs.

Most of the time, we don't realise how much we annoy ourselves when we give in to unreasonable expectations, demands, and commands.

For instance, almost every day we're all stuck in traffic, which enrages us. However, you're erroneously under the impression that this is a rare occurrence. But we always anticipate that it will not occur to us. The cause of our discontent is the word "should."

I will provide an illustration here. I advise, "Read this book on relationships; you may not gain anything from it, but give it a shot." So you attempt it, but it fails. You are never frustrated.

In the identical circumstance, I assert, "This always works." It flops. Now you are irritated. What altered? Your supposition, your expectation.

You unexpectedly visit a distant acquaintance, but he or she does not invite you to lunch or dinner. You are not particularly bothered. After all, you're not close with that individual.
However, you become angry if you visit your best friend and he/she does not invite you to dinner or lunch. What is distinct? She should have requested dinner because she is my best friend!

Again, the only change was in your belief.
It's straightforward and simple, but how can we alter our beliefs and expectations? It is also very straightforward and simple.
It really is as simple as an "IDEA."
I have bad luck. Traffic is atrocious.
D is your deduction, which is frequently irrational. This should not be occurring to me.
Effect is the letter E. We become enraged, frustrated, and depressed.
Very rarely can I be changed. However, we can alter D. And this will alter E. So let's introduce the fourth letter.
A claim that contradicts your irrational beliefs. Traffic has occurred in the past. It will occur once again. And I shall endure."
The issue stems from our beliefs. Just eliminate the words 'SHOULD, MUST, AND SHOULD', and you'll eliminate half of your frustrations.
Everyone has the right to wish, want, and desire, but we cannot force the world to conform to our desires. Therein lies the source of frustration and rage, as this divine demand is illogical.

Lets learn to ignore selfish people just like the way we ignore 'Terms and Conditions' of any software

The line between selfishness and self-need is extremely thin. Selfishness means putting your own needs before those of others, and the world is filled with selfish individuals. You will have them as friends, coworkers, and relatives.

Keeping friends who are always negative, cynical, and focused on themselves is a great way to make yourself unhappy. These individuals are probably the largest source of social sorrow and repentance. If you keep them with you, it will feel like you're investing in a dead stock: they will never pay off.


The hardest thing about this is that these people are able to make themselves seem nice and likable. Today, I'd like to share with you, based on my more than four decades of experience, a few tips on how to identify a self-centered friend before you become hurt or disappointed.

A good way to identify a self-centered friend is to observe how they handle flavours. When you curtsy, they don't make a big deal out of it and never offer a sincere THANK YOU. They will act as if it were of no consequence to them.

Another intriguing characteristic of these friends is that they can cancel plans with you at will, provide copious justifications, and feel little need to apologise. When you propose plans, they will carefully compare them to alternative potential social plans they can implement, and then decide whether or not they are available. And if you believe they will include you in their alternative plans, you are mistaken.

Selfish individuals view social gatherings as opportunities to obtain something: a favorable contact, a job opening, an appealing date opportunity, etc.

These types of characters constantly discuss their other friends and acquaintances. You can be friends with these individuals for a long time, but you will never be introduced to these "friends." This is primarily due to the fact that these types of people have a large number of superficial relationships and few genuine ones. You will notice that they barely know the individuals they constantly discuss.

Selfish friends have no concept of generosity. Their conception of relationships and connections is akin to a turnover: if they give you a portion, their share will be reduced. Obviously, this is incorrect, as the more you share your network, the larger it becomes.

Selfish people use a very interesting tactic, which is typically insensible, to keep you in doubt about your value as a friend. They will never make you feel confident in your own abilities, as if you must always give or do more. They will give you indirect rejections in small doses to keep you around and to encourage you to seek their approval.

The course of true love never did run smooth

Much has been said about love and the perfect relationship, but it is terrible that we all fall in love or join partnerships only to discover that we are unable to maintain them. "The path of true love is never smooth," William Shakespeare famously observed. However, the bulk of us are unaware of this.

In 2015, 48,517 divorces were granted in Australia. The divorce rate is over 45%, which means that almost half of all marriages end in divorce. 

On my recent wedding anniversary, I shared a picture of my husband and me with a loving remark on Facebook. I got a lot of likes, comments, and messages. Some of them remarked things like, "Lovely couple," "you're both lucky to have each other," and "you have a loving husband." "How do I find the right person for a happy marriage?" a couple of them asked. 

Well… The secret to a happy relationship is not to locate the perfect mate, but to learn to appreciate the one you have. Every partnership goes through a revolution... You fall in love with your lover at the start of your relationship. You look forward to their phone calls, want their touch, and admire their eccentricities.

It was never difficult to fall in love with anybody. In actuality, it was a completely unexpected and impetuous encounter. Nothing was needed of anybody. This is why we call falling in love "falling." Love is a pure, uncontrolled feeling that happens without you knowing how, when, or why.

A partnership, like life, is a full cycle. The pleasure of love diminishes over a length of time in a relationship or togetherness, or after a few months or years. Every relationship goes through an unpolished cycle. Slowly but steadily, your partner's phone calls (if you get them) become bothersome, his/her touch no longer feels as nice as it once did, and the same traits that made you weak in the knees now irritate you. The appearance of this phase varies from relationship to relationship; there is frequently a dramatic difference between the first stage when the pair was in love and the later period, which is sometimes lifeless or even irritated.

At this point, you may be wondering, "Is this person right for me?" And when you explain the pleasure of your previous love with your spouse, you may begin to want for a similar experience with someone else. This is the moment when relationships begin to deteriorate and disintegrate.

People begin to blame their relationships for their sorrow and seek fulfilment elsewhere. Illicit sexual gratification may take several forms, the most common of which is adultery. However, individuals might become workaholics, take up a hobby, have regular night outs, watch too much television, have pets, or become abusive. 

The issue does not exist outside of your relationship; rather, it resides inside it. I'm not saying you couldn't fall in love with someone else; you might, and you'd feel better for it. You would, however, ultimately find yourself in the same situation. Preserving love is not a passive or easy task. To attain that, one must strive day and night. Yes, it takes time, several efforts, and internal determination to succeed. Above all, it desires COMPREHENSION. To make things function and avoid mistakes, one must understand what to do.

Love is NOT a puzzle. Certain actions may be taken. (with or without a partner). Remember that partnerships are controlled by law. The conclusion is foreseeable if you learn how to apply this law to your relationship.

Finding a perfect partner or making a perfect marriage with the partner you found?

Twenty-five years ago, my husband Vikram and I OFFICIALLY became a family! Before getting married, we were in a relationship for five years, beginning 35 years ago. I really mean it when I say this is the best conclusion I've ever reached. We cannot believe that 25 years have already passed, and I feel more fortunate than ever that we have pictures, stories, and memories from the past quarter-century.

Today, I do not wish to discuss my personal feelings for Vikram in this public forum, as they are between the two of us, and he is aware of how I feel about him. I feel privileged to share these ideas because I hope they will inspire others to consider what kind of effort they might want to invest in their own marriages. Perhaps it would be beneficial for some of you to reflect on the lessons you've learned in your own marriage.

Men are said to be from Mars... Is that truthful?

No, not all men... I have learned this over the past 25 years. Yes, 25 years, not 35, because while involved in an affair, things are not as real as you may believe, especially in our community with its boundaries and restrictions. Even though things have changed drastically in the past 35 years, having an affair was still considered taboo during our time. Your dates consist of exchanging gifts, cards, love, and impractical promises, and you suddenly realise that two hours have passed and it is time to part ways.

When you get married, you start to understand what commitment, loyalty, love, affection, support, responsibility, understanding, regard, and trust really mean.I won't say that every couple should score a perfect 10/10 for these characteristics, but yes, these are the defining characteristics of a successful marriage.

The fact that I am writing this on social media does not mean that I will only speak positively about my 25 years of marriage. Our married life has been filled with many ups and downs.

I discovered that both our "own things" and our "joint things" are uniquely valuable. There are some things I enjoy that Vikram does not share, and vice versa. Each of us enjoys these pursuits on our own or with friends who share the same interest, and we encourage one another to occasionally take time for them. We also recognise that having a shared pastime is important in defining who we are, and yes, we share a passion for melodious music.

Vikram often makes mistakes. However, I make many of them myself. We are two extremely flawed individuals. Our imperfect union has experienced numerous ups and downs We are not perfect, and no one can be perfect in every way. We should not demand perfection from ourselves or from our partners.

Now, let's discuss a sense of humor. A sense of humor is essential in your life. I inherited a sense of humor that Vikram lacks, and honestly, the majority of his relatives are also like him. So frequently, we had heated arguments because Vikram took my jokes too seriously.

Understanding each other's love language is extremely beneficial. Honestly speaking, neither of us understands the language of each other's  love. I may express my love verbally through articulations of appreciation, but if Vikram's love language is, for example, acts of service (making dinner), then I need to improve in this area. And he would also need to know that hearing verbal expressions of love is important to me.

I know for sure that the adversary is doing everything it can to break up most marriages and families. This is important for every married couple to know so that we can all do what we can to protect what we value most. Negative comments about your spouse are harmful. You can ask my closest friends, my parents, or anyone else who is close to me, and they will confirm that I never speak negatively about Vikram to others. I praise and commend him, and any issues that arise between us remain private. We resolve our dispute internally instead of taking it outside.

There were numerous occasions when we believed that we were two completely different people who could not live together. We have been in a position where two of us were sitting in front of a divorce attorney. In spite of everything, we stood resolutely and courageously together in challenging situations. Believe me, every time we faced adversity, whether it was because of our personal relationship or for some other reason, we grew closer. I firmly believe, based not only on my own experience but also on what I've observed in many other couples, that personal relationships become stronger after fights, during difficult times, in difficult circumstances, or during difficult situations. Marriage requires patience, encouragement, and forgiveness. Holding grudges serves no purpose.

Last but not least, I would like to state that I disagree that two people need too much time to understand each other before getting married. Marriage is not about finding a perfect life partner, but rather about creating a perfect union with the one you've found. The foundation of a marriage is love, patience, understanding, trust, and respect for one's spouse.

Lamhe

My blog, Lamhe (Moments), reflects my attitudes towards family, friends, society, and myself. My varied posts pertain to my life, Lamhe. I consider myself fortunate to have shared my life with individuals of various cultures, backgrounds, nationalities, and perspectives, as well as those of varying intelligence/perspective. 

I have experienced a variety of turning points in my life, some of which were adventurous and others of which were unpleasant, but there were also numerous instances reminiscent of fairy tales. I believe that life is an accumulation of lessons that must be experienced in order to be perceived, and I am pleased that I have learned so much from my various life experiences and the people I have met on my life's journey. In LAMHE, I have attempted to convey my past encounters and experiences, and I will continue to do so in the future. In fact, I would describe my education as encyclopaedic and eclectic, as I have studied a wide range of subjects. I hold a bachelor's degree in dance and music, a master's degree in counselling, a master's degree in literature, a master's degree in performing arts, and a doctorate in music therapy. I also feel fortunate to have worked in a variety of fields, from stage performer to radio and television artist, whether it was dancing, acting, announcing, or modelling, as well as from teaching to media, counselling, and sales and marketing. Believe me, I appreciated every classified work, as evidenced by my numerous posts.

I would not be who I am today without the influence of my father.  Mr. Rajendra Pradeep was not only my father, but also my mentor, my guide, my inspiration, my strength, my critic, and my best friend. He began his career as a lecturer in English and psychology at MD University in Rohtak, Haryana, India, before retiring as its dean, registrar, and vice-chancellor. He was the winner of one of the most prestigious "Khwaja Ahmad Abbas" award from Urdu Sahitya Academy in India. He has also written numerous articles, speeches, stories, and plays for magazines, radio, and the stage. We are six brothers and sisters, and I can say with great pride that my father has had a tremendous impact on each and every one of us. 

I stand in reverence and gratitude, poised to dedicate Lamhe to the memory of my beloved father, the late Sh. Rajendra Pradeep. His luminous spirit, his unwavering support, and his boundless love have infused every word, every sentiment, and every cherished Lamhe with an irreplaceable essence. For it is in his absence that I have found the strength to weave tales, to share moments, and to paint memories, each one as captivating as the last. Lamhe stands as a testament to his enduring legacy, a tribute to the man whose presence will forever linger in the echoes of my soul.