Let's learn to ignore selfish people just like the way we ignore 'Terms and Conditions' of any software

There is a very fine line between self-care and selfishness — and most of us learn the difference only after being hurt.

Selfishness is the art of placing one’s own interests above everyone else’s, without care, without pause, and without apology. Unfortunately, the world is full of such people — in the form of friends, colleagues, and sometimes even family.

If you surround yourself with individuals who are chronically negative, self-absorbed, or emotionally unavailable, don’t be surprised when you find yourself mentally drained and emotionally hollow.

Keeping a selfish friend is like investing in a dead stock — they will never give you returns, only regret.

What makes it trickier is this: these individuals often wear the mask of charm. They appear kind, interesting, and agreeable — until it’s too late.

So, based on over four decades of observing people, I want to share a few quiet warning signs. Learn to see them early — not bitterly, but wisely.

 Watch their reaction when you do something thoughtful.

Do they acknowledge it? Do they ever say a heartfelt “thank you”?
Or do they brush it off like it was expected — as if your kindness is owed to them?

A self-absorbed friend will rarely celebrate your gesture. They take; they rarely notice.

 Plans are always on their terms.

They can cancel on you anytime — with excuses that sound justified but lack true remorse.
When you make a plan, they weigh it against other options.
If something better comes up, they will drop you — and no, you won’t be invited to the "better" plan either.

To them, you’re a placeholder. Not a priority.

 Social gatherings are networking events, not relationships.

They see every interaction as a transaction.
Who can help me? Who can get me ahead?
Even in friendship, they’re calculating: What’s in it for me?

 You hear about their “other friends” — but never meet them.

They name-drop often, telling stories of glamorous people in their orbit.
But you’ll notice: they never introduce you to any of them.
Because those relationships are often superficial.
And they don’t want you too close — not to them, not to anyone.

Generosity is foreign to them.

They see emotional sharing as loss, not expansion.
Their idea of friendship is a balance sheet — not a bond.
To give something away is to feel depleted.
They don’t understand that when you share your circle, your world actually grows.

They subtly keep you unsure of yourself.

This is their sharpest tool:
They’ll never outright belittle you, but they’ll keep you just uncertain enough to keep seeking their approval.
They’ll withhold validation. They’ll give backhanded compliments.
They’ll reject you — gently, strategically — just enough to keep you invested.

It’s emotional manipulation, sugar-coated as friendship.

So what can we do?

Just what we do when a website asks us to read the Terms & Conditions.

We scroll past.
We don’t engage.
We hit “Accept” — and move on.

Stop reading too deeply into the intentions of selfish people.
They are who they are.
Don’t expect closure. Don’t expect accountability.
Expect peace — when you detach, quietly and clearly.

You deserve friendships that energize you, not exhaust you.
You deserve conversations that feel like soft places to land — not emotional evaluations.
You deserve the kind of relationships that don’t keep score.

Because life is too short to keep proving your worth to people who will never see it —
unless it benefits them.