Twenty-five years ago, my husband Vikram and I OFFICIALLY became a family! Before getting married, we were in a relationship for five years, beginning 35 years ago. I really mean it when I say this is the best conclusion I've ever reached. We cannot believe that 25 years have already passed, and I feel more fortunate than ever that we have pictures, stories, and memories from the past quarter-century.
Today, I do not wish to discuss my personal feelings for Vikram in this public forum, as they are between the two of us, and he is aware of how I feel about him. I feel privileged to share these ideas because I hope they will inspire others to consider what kind of effort they might want to invest in their own marriages. Perhaps it would be beneficial for some of you to reflect on the lessons you've learned in your own marriage.
Men are said to be from Mars... Is that truthful?
No, not all men... I have learned this over the past 25 years. Yes, 25 years, not 35, because while involved in an affair, things are not as real as you may believe, especially in our community with its boundaries and restrictions. Even though things have changed drastically in the past 35 years, having an affair was still considered taboo during our time. Your dates consist of exchanging gifts, cards, love, and impractical promises, and you suddenly realise that two hours have passed and it is time to part ways.
When you get married, you start to understand what commitment, loyalty, love, affection, support, responsibility, understanding, regard, and trust really mean.I won't say that every couple should score a perfect 10/10 for these characteristics, but yes, these are the defining characteristics of a successful marriage.
The fact that I am writing this on social media does not mean that I will only speak positively about my 25 years of marriage. Our married life has been filled with many ups and downs.
I discovered that both our "own things" and our "joint things" are uniquely valuable. There are some things I enjoy that Vikram does not share, and vice versa. Each of us enjoys these pursuits on our own or with friends who share the same interest, and we encourage one another to occasionally take time for them. We also recognise that having a shared pastime is important in defining who we are, and yes, we share a passion for melodious music.
Vikram often makes mistakes. However, I make many of them myself. We are two extremely flawed individuals. Our imperfect union has experienced numerous ups and downs We are not perfect, and no one can be perfect in every way. We should not demand perfection from ourselves or from our partners.
Now, let's discuss a sense of humor. A sense of humor is essential in your life. I inherited a sense of humor that Vikram lacks, and honestly, the majority of his relatives are also like him. So frequently, we had heated arguments because Vikram took my jokes too seriously.
Understanding each other's love language is extremely beneficial. Honestly speaking, neither of us understands the language of each other's love. I may express my love verbally through articulations of appreciation, but if Vikram's love language is, for example, acts of service (making dinner), then I need to improve in this area. And he would also need to know that hearing verbal expressions of love is important to me.
I know for sure that the adversary is doing everything it can to break up most marriages and families. This is important for every married couple to know so that we can all do what we can to protect what we value most. Negative comments about your spouse are harmful. You can ask my closest friends, my parents, or anyone else who is close to me, and they will confirm that I never speak negatively about Vikram to others. I praise and commend him, and any issues that arise between us remain private. We resolve our dispute internally instead of taking it outside.
There were numerous occasions when we believed that we were two completely different people who could not live together. We have been in a position where two of us were sitting in front of a divorce attorney. In spite of everything, we stood resolutely and courageously together in challenging situations. Believe me, every time we faced adversity, whether it was because of our personal relationship or for some other reason, we grew closer. I firmly believe, based not only on my own experience but also on what I've observed in many other couples, that personal relationships become stronger after fights, during difficult times, in difficult circumstances, or during difficult situations. Marriage requires patience, encouragement, and forgiveness. Holding grudges serves no purpose.
Last but not least, I would like to state that I disagree that two people need too much time to understand each other before getting married. Marriage is not about finding a perfect life partner, but rather about creating a perfect union with the one you've found. The foundation of a marriage is love, patience, understanding, trust, and respect for one's spouse.
