Finding a perfect partner or making a perfect marriage with the partner you found?
Twenty-five years ago, Vikram and I officially became a family. But if I count the years we’ve shared our hearts, it began thirty-five years ago. That’s more than half my lifetime. And still, I can say — with all my heart — that loving him was one of the best decisions I’ve ever made.
As I scroll through our photos, flip through old memories, and remember the music, the laughter, and the silences we’ve shared, I feel nothing but gratitude.
Not for perfection — but for resilience.
Not for a flawless partner — but for an imperfect, enduring love.
On our recent anniversary, I posted a picture of us on Facebook — a simple moment, a small tribute.
The comments came pouring in:
“You’re lucky to have each other.”
“Such a perfect couple!”
“How do I find someone like that?”
I’m touched by the love, but I must confess:
The secret to a lasting marriage isn’t about finding the perfect person.
It’s about creating something beautiful with the person you choose.
The first ten years — the “pre-marriage” years — were romantic, thrilling, and filled with those lovely impractical promises we all make in youth.
But I won’t count them the same way.
Because marriage… marriage is where the real work begins.
In marriage, you learn the true definitions of loyalty, commitment, patience, forgiveness, and partnership.
The vows take shape in the everyday — in the quiet mornings, the chaotic evenings, the disagreements, the shared playlists, and the late-night laughter.
I’m not here to tell you that our marriage has been picture-perfect.
It hasn’t.
We’ve fought. We’ve disagreed. We’ve grown apart at times.
We’ve even sat across from a divorce lawyer, unsure if we’d ever see eye to eye again.
But we stayed.
We stood together — not because we were always in harmony, but because we knew the value of what we’d built.
Because giving up never felt as meaningful as fighting through.
Vikram and I are, in many ways, very different.
I thrive on humor. He’s serious.
He forgets birthdays. I write poetry.
I’m expressive; he’s reserved.
And yet, we’ve come to honor each other’s differences.
We have shared interests — like our love for melodious music — but we also give each other space for individual passions.
That space, that freedom to be, is what keeps us sane and supportive.
Let me be honest:
We still don’t always “speak” each other’s love language.
I express love with words — I write, I affirm, I appreciate.
He shows love in quiet gestures — preparing dinner, helping me breathe during chaos, standing silently by my side.
We’re still learning. And that’s okay.
Love isn’t a language you master. It’s one you keep translating, over and over, across the years.
One thing I decided early on:
Never belittle your partner in public.
If I have something to say to Vikram, I say it to him — not to the world.
I never joke about him to others, never expose our private disagreements to friends or family.
This one discipline has saved us countless times from unnecessary damage.
Speak with love in public. Speak with honesty in private.
It makes a difference.
The most difficult moments in our marriage have also been the ones that brought us closest.
There were times when we didn’t think we’d make it.
But adversity, if met together, becomes a bridge — not a wall.
Marriage demands patience. It asks for forgiveness — daily, quietly, without announcement.
Grudges are easy. Letting go is harder. But letting go is what keeps the heart soft.
I don’t think so.
Understanding isn’t a pre-requisite to marriage — it’s the byproduct.
It grows. It deepens.
You won’t fully know someone before you marry them.
You learn as you walk together — and some of the most beautiful realizations come after the vows.
Not perfect compatibility.
Not shared hobbies.
Not constant romance.
But rather: Love, Respect,Patience,Trust And above all — the desire to keep choosing each other, every single day.
And that…
That makes a marriage not just last —
but thrive.
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