Expectation: The Mother of All Frustration

Anger, frustration, disappointment — we’ve all felt them. And that’s okay. These emotions are part of being human. But have you ever stopped to ask: What exactly am I frustrated with?

If you go deeper — really deeper — you’ll find that more than the situations or people, it is your own expectations that let you down.

We aren't truly frustrated by the traffic, the delay, the silence of a friend, or the job that didn’t go our way.
We're frustrated by what we believed should have happened.

Take something as simple as traffic.
It happens daily. It’s predictable.
Yet when we’re stuck in it, we fume. Why?
Because in our minds, “This shouldn’t be happening to me today.”

That one word — "should" — becomes the trigger.

Let me illustrate:

Suppose I suggest a book on relationships and say,
“Give it a try. It may or may not help.”
You read it, and it doesn’t help.
You shrug and move on.

Now imagine I say,
“This book always works. It will change everything.”
You read it, and it fails.
Now you’re irritated. Frustrated. Even betrayed.

What changed?
Your expectation. Your belief.

Here’s another:

You visit a distant acquaintance, and they don’t offer you lunch. You don’t mind.
But if your best friend doesn’t offer lunch, you feel deeply hurt.
Why? Because they should have. Because you expected it.

The situation is the same — but the emotional outcome changes entirely based on belief.

So how do we fix this?

Through an “IDEA” — literally.

I – Irritating Event

Example: Traffic, rejection, silence, delay.

D – Your Deduction

“This shouldn’t happen to me.”
“They must treat me better.”
“I deserve this to work out.”

(Deductions are often irrational, subconscious expectations.)

E – The Emotional Effect

Anger. Frustration. Disappointment. Sadness.

Now enter the game-changer:

A – Alternate Belief

“Traffic happens. It’s not personal.”
“Not everyone will behave the way I hope — and that’s okay.”
“Life isn’t always fair, but I can choose my response.”

Once you change your D (Deduction), your E (Emotional response) automatically shifts.

Remove the ‘SHOULDs’ and ‘MUSTs’

We burden ourselves with phrases like:

“They should have understood.”
“Life must be fair.”
“Things should go my way.”

These are emotional traps we set for ourselves.
Because let’s face it — the world doesn’t bend to our wishes.
And when we demand that it does, we create a perfect recipe for frustration.

Wish, but don’t demand. Hope, but stay open.

Yes, it’s natural to want things — appreciation, affection, outcomes.
But the moment we turn those wants into emotional non-negotiables, we suffer.

Expectation, when absolute, becomes entitlement.
Entitlement, when unmet, becomes agony.

The key is not to give up desiring,
but to loosen our grip over how life must unfold.

So the next time frustration rises —
pause, breathe, and ask:

"Is it the world that's unfair,
or is it just a belief I need to let go of?"